Ok so despite the last few posts, this was not destined to be a blog about boys and relationships. It was meant to be a creative outlet, and a productive space....
At the moment I miss working with animals. But then I also feel like getting a nursing job would be like a "safe" option. I mean, its also scary because Im worried that even though Ive trained for it, that I might not be that good at it - but I just need more confidence in myself. And maybe that is also part of why it would be the "safe" option - I would get into a job and then feel secure and maybe not want to leave....
I am considering teaching over in Japan. I want to go back to Japan but I feel like a short holiday might not be enough to whet my appetite.... So I might do a TEFL/TESOL course and see how that goes - and then applications for the JET program open in September so it gives me a chance to think, and maybe also re-learn some japanese...
Theres just so much I want to do. I feel like time should stand still for a while so that I can do it all, and then come back and get on with life. I want to go to Japan, I want to go to Canada (and preferably for a year or so to work and stuff, rather than just a short trip - though Im not entirely sure......). I want to maybe go back to the UK and Europe, though that would be ok to just be a long holiday, rather than having to work and live there. Though Nursing in the UK could be fun.... I want to train to work in zoos, possibly with the Unitec course. Or possibly in Australia. I also want to meet someone amazing and get married and have kids before Im too old to do so. Which is where I start to feel like I dont have enough time.....
I also mostly want to be happy, and be confident in myself and my abilities, and be strong and fit and healthy... And these seem like the most difficult things...
In the meantime, I need to try to save money. All of those things up there ^^ require money. For now I have been offered another couple of months at work, so that is good. I do need to do the dentist thing soon, which will use up some money, but then hopefully I can focus more on saving....
I just have to stop thinking about other people so much, and what they would want me to do, or how what I do affects them, and instead just do what I want. If people are really my friends, they will still be my friends whether I live close by, or far away. I can't stay in Wellington just because I really like a guy, especially when said guy does not want anything more than sex and company. I can't stay in NZ or even just the North Island because friends can't cope with me living too far away. Yes I will miss friends and family, but I just have to stop putting everyone else first!!
6 comments:
Maybe I'm projecting, but I think not wanting to get a job vet nursing is more likely fear that you won't be good at it than fear you'll feel too safe... That's how I would feel anyway. I think you should jump right in - you might feel secure, but I think you'll still want to travel, so you won't end up stuck in one job/place forever.
I'm totally keen to practise Japanese with you! I love studying languages, I just have a really short attention span. :)
And you should absolutely look after yourself first! If anyone throws a hissy fit because you want to move far away, tell them they can come with you if it's such an issue! :P
Yeah I think it totally is also fear that I wont be good at it. Its why I put off getting my drivers licence for so long too. I hate not being good at things. In fact, I am really really bad at not being good at things haha.
Yeah my attention span is shocking too... :)
I get scared when you talk about how much you want to go overseas because I know so many people who go to run away from their lives, or because they are searching for something. And those people never seem to realise that being in a different place doesn't make you a different person so their problems just follow them.
So as long as your wanderlust doesn't come from one fo those places, then I don't mind. After all, with the internet and some effort, England is as far away as Wellington is. :)
I think that was maybe partly my reason for Ireland - and it did help in the fact that it gave me a little bit of distance from some of the problems, which made it easier to deal with them. But I was still me and my problems were still there so I do know i cant actually run away from them.
I mostly just want to see and do everything. I want to see real polar bears, and immerse myself in other cultures, and that sort of thing. I dont want to run away from my life. And its partly because I can do it, and I need to show myself that I can, if that makes sense. Life is just so short and I want to experience so much and Im scared I wont fit it all in
I did the running away thing, but only as far as Manakau ;) I moved home to get away from my triggers, and it worked beautifully, but I didn't realize what I was doing so when I moved back to Welly I went straight back to being a mess, and gained weight, started drinking heaps again etc. Sigh.
Maybe you should get an awesome high-paying job doing what you want to do, and take month-long holidays to places that you want to go to? Best of both worlds? OMG, I can't even use that phrase without thinking of Hannah Montana now...
Yeah I automatically think of Hannah Montana when I say or read that sentence lol.
Yeah that would be awesome... :)
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