I feel like I am destined to always care about people more than they care about me.
And Im not talking about guys. Well, them too, but thats not my point..... (And Mike was an example of when that wasnt true)
But with my friends as well. There are friends that I would drop everything for and be there with them in a heartbeat if they needed me. And yet I dont get that back in return.
I remember when we're little, or at least when I was little, getting told over and over again to 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you'. And I like to think that generally I have lived by that. I think the reason I expect people to judge me on the way I look, at least at first, is because I do the same. And on the flip side, those that I genuinely care about, I would do anything for if they needed me.
And thats not all friends. Im sure at least one person reading this will worry that it is them I am talking about, and Miss Lives-in-Auckland, it is not you. I feel our friendship is quite reciprocal (even if I cant spell the word....)
I dont know if its just because I am single and dont have a lot of other things going on, that I feel I could drop everything for someone if need be, and these other people have partners, and lives, that restrict them from just doing something at the drop of a hat.
To the point that when I went to Ireland, one of my friends got pregnant. Now, she ended up having an abortion, but I told her that if she was going to have the baby, I would come back home and help her, no questions asked. Would she do the same for me? Not a chance in hell.
Im just having a downer day, where I feel like I have all these people who are so crucuial and important in my life, and yet I dont have the same impact in theirs.
Maybe I just expect too much from other people. You'd think that by now, with the things that have happened in my life, that I would just realise that people are unreliable, and not trust anyone. But I dont want to be like that. And Im sure I probably do expect people not to care some of the time, which is why I have trouble asking for help in the first place. It would just be nice to know that when the cry for help is eventually sent out, that there would be someone on the other side willing to answer it...
2 comments:
I feel that way a lot too - and then today, I left my cellphone at home. I got all stressed out, but luckily I ran into my friend M on the bus and he approved what I thought was a dumb idea, asking Sarah to pick it up and drive out to Taita. He reminded me that I'd do the same for her, and that made it ok to at least ask. And she did! I'm kind of ashamed now to say that I really didn't think she would do that for me. I'm not good at asking for things, but when I think about it, my friends have never let me down yet. :)
(Um, in case anyone else reading this thinks that sounds really weird: I won't be in Wellington again until Tuesday, and will be relying on my cellphone for ALL my contact while I'm away! I'm not so sad I couldn't go a day without my phone. :D)
Post a Comment