At the moment I feel like I am living with 3 people - Hayley (wonderful flatmate), Jeremy (lovely boyfriend), and my crazy self. Sometimes happy and easy going, sometimes emotional and crying at the drop of a hate. Sometimes grumpy and tired and moody as fuck.
Luckily Hayley is spared from most of it, and Jeremy seems to be dealing with it quite well, and it is me that suffers the most.
Earlier this week I had a small melt down because I was getting sick and ordinarily, when not co-habitating with a guy, I would come home, put on my pjs, and hibernate in my bed with my laptop doing absolutely nothing of value. This time I came home, hopped in bed and then watched him on the laptop. Instead of really saying anything, I built it all up in my head into this big drama. I went and had a shower and came back and said that I was having trouble because I needed some time to myself, and he happily went out to the supermarket and out of my hair for a while. All the angst and drama was purely created by me in my head - arghhhh.
I am better at talking about things - but it is a big change for me. And I think he appreciates that and gets it for the most part.
Apart from those small 'Arghh I need some me-time' moments, everything is going well. Small silly arguments but nothing major yet. Both get tired and grumpy but we're able to hug it out after a wee while.
So is the need for me-time just normal?? I think it also comes down to living in such a small space, and not having a lot of room to stretch out. Plus I am not very good at sharing. Im not an only child so Ive shared a lot in the past with my brother (and none of that 'I want to play with that toy cos he is' kind of drama) - but that was quite a while ago, and Ive never had to share a room.
For those who have shared rooms with siblings - does that make living with a partner any easier? Is it just that it will take time to adjust to always being in each others face? And any tips or suggestions on making the transition go smoothly???
5 comments:
(Love the new layout, very pretty!)
I think sharing a room is always going to have its difficulties (I'm pretty sure I've mentioned that I'll never do it again - if/when I live with a partner again we will have our own bedrooms, even if we sleep together most nights). I can't quite imagine being willing to share my only computer... I would go on a killing spree if I didn't get my internet because someone else was using my puter.
It's awesome that once you did manage to get to a point where you could ask for space, you got it - in my last relationship, that kind of request always turned into a huge argument. Yuck.
I almost want to tell Mark to make this post, instead of me doing it... because you might believe it coming from him, from me it might seem placatory. But anyway...
I shared a room most of my life. I got my own room for about 3-4 years, after Clo was born, before Aimee hit puberty. And it was the size of a largish wardrobe. And I share a room now, with Mark. It hasn't made it any easier.
I still need "me space" (6 years and counting). A lot of me space. I get psycho crazy (fighty and grumpy and shouty and bitchy and over emotional), and then very depressed if I can't get space to myself. I am better if I have to transition between work/uni and home, the forced space lets me think, but I am happiest if I have somewhere I can go that I will mostly wont get bothered. Generally, Mark hangs out in "shared space" with other people so I can have the bedroom during the evenings. Same is true of Smae and Rob. It hasn't gotten any easier, living in Hamilton was really hard, it is easier here because he can be in the study, I can be in the bedroom, we can both go to the lounge. We pop in to visit one another, remind each other that we care, and then go back to our space. When we have the money for it, I think a two bedroom house is the go. One bedroom for us to share, and one for me to hide in when I need space.
Also, we don't share computers. Same thing, we both kill time on there (and I have this special mode of meditation (I call it that so it doesn't sound crazy) where when I am stressed I "file" all my images or music into different folders) and so we need our own computers to be unstressed. We shared in Palmy, we worked out pretty quick that it didn't work. :)
Hayley - I agree - the layout is very pretty.
Yeah I think we need a 2 bedroom place when we get one - and I told him he needs his own computer haha - cos it is my stress relief most of the time - and he has a desktop lurking around somewhere I believe...
It is small here so its easier to end up hanging out in the same room - but we have identified that and he has asked me to tell him when I need space.
Emma thanks for pointing out that sharing a room didnt help :) I just wondered if having had to share your personal space before helped at all but thats all good :)
And Em - I take it from you - without thinking its placatory :)
Emma - I totally file stuff for stress-relief, and sometimes I edit tags and rate tracks in iTunes. Not crazy whatsoever!
Candi, I forgot to mention in my comment before that I never shared a room until I moved in with Hugh. I don't think it would have helped if I had, though. It might have helped me keep my room neater as a kid, though?
I had a mum that came in with a rubbish bag and threatened to throw everything out unless I tidied - and that didnt ever help me keep my room tidy.... I dont know how to help that....
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