Selfish much

I would like some (unbiased if you can) feedback

So last month was Mothers Day. And I didnt actually think to text my mum because, well, its the way it is. That said though, I didnt even text Jo. I have become a slack texter. And at the end of the day I get a text from her saying "did you forget that its mothers day. i love you even if you dont" blah blah blah and what a crap day she'd had. And i just said "yeah i was busy and i forgot". In truth, I was busy cuddling cheetahs.... And dad obviously got shit about it too and i blew it off

Yesterday was my birthday. At the beginning of the day I got a few texts, one was from my mum. It took me a while before I even got around to replying to most of them, and didnt reply to hers cos i didnt think it warranted it. At the end of the day, I got a "did you get my text?" text, so i said yes and thanked her. And then i got a text from dad, asking if mum had text and did i reply?

Now. When i was 14, mum tried to kill herself. Not even really to die. But to manipulate and get attention. She said as much to dad one day. She had talked to him on the phone before he did it. And after she said something like "well i wouldnt be in hospital if you hadnt been running late". All a control/power/manipulation fucked up thing to do. Dad then stayed with her until I left home 3 years later, cos he was scared she'd do it again. And now, he still tiptoes around her. She still calls on him if she needs help. And obviously to complain about her ungrateful children, because she knows that what dad says will have more impact...

And it fucks me off so bad. Why is he still pandering to her? I had a minor hissy fit at him after his text last night, which then ended up with me feeling like an ungrateful shit. I was raised in a "if you cant say anything nice, dont say anything at all" kind of way. Nice and passive aggressive... And so i dont talk to her. I dont say anything because what is the point? And then i get shit about not talking to her.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH

So am i unreasonable and ungrateful and spoiled shit? Should I get over it and pretend everything is fine?

The end of a year

So today I go to Foxton, and when I come back, I will be a year older - trippy.
Normally for my birthday I have a big cry and feel like I havent accomplished anything - and this year its not as bad as usual which is a nice change :)

Jeremy curse

So there was once a guy named Jeremy when I was 18. When I was 20, he died in a motorbike accident.
When I was 26 I met a new Jeremy. And now when Im almost 28, he is due to go into hospital for life threatening heart surgery - only a 1% chance of death, but still 1% more than I would like. A chance that it could go wrong and instead of "simple" heart surgery, he may have to have open heart surgery. Its freaking me out. And its 2 months away - I have 2 months of worrying and pushing him away so that I get hurt less if the worst happens.....

Day 27

Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge

For something to do, to encourage me to blog more, and just for fun mostly :)

Day 26

Day 26- What you think about your friends

I love them. That is all really. They are wonderful and most of the time, they are always there for me. And I would do anything for them 

Day 25

Day 25- What I would find in your bag

Wallet
2 cellphones
Lip balm and gloss - several varieties
Tampons
A good luck charm bag that Jo gave me
Hairtie
Bobbypin
Tissues
Sometimes panadol or nurofen
Emery board
Camera
Impulse
Handcream (mini neutrogena one)

Crikey its no wonder I can never find anything!!

Day 24

Day 24- A letter to your parents

To my Dad - would be a letter about how amazing he is, and how much I love and appreciate him, and to thank him for getting me through everything, and for putting up with so much crap with mum, just to give me some semblance of normalcy.

To my Mum - I will never figure out the words. Part of me is still so mad, part of me feels sorry for her, and the rest of me knows that she wouldnt get whatever I had to say anyway, so it would all be a waste of time.